Emerging Adulthood
What can I do to still be me and make other people see me as an adult?
That's the persistent question my sister has asked me and represents a problem that many neurotypical adults run into, but adults (those over age 18) with autism are particularly likely to fall prey to. You're likely to run into plenty of people who will be condescending and talk down to you. My sister ran into one, an adviser, before she was even in college. I was in the meeting with her and I wanted to yank out my sister's high school transcripts and wave the AP grades in her face, she was so condescending. If I felt that way, I can't imagine how my sister felt.
This isn't a problem unique to people with autism (save for the being treated as though you're mentally deficient bit); it's one neurotypicals are running into more frequently as well. Why? Because adulthood used to be a clear cut phenomenon that happened when you were about 18 or so. You graduated high school, got a job, got married, bought a house, and had children, and you did all those things in short order. Now, those things are spread across a longer period of time. These days, high school is generally followed by four years in college - more if you go on to graduate school. Most students don't get married until they graduate (or are close to doing so) from college. This phenomenon is known as emerging adulthood. So until you meet all of these criteria, even if you're neurotypical you're likely to continue running into this.
As for the IQ bit, that has little to do with adulthood, and a lot to do with lack of education. The wave of college students with ASD going through the system are trailblazers, in many ways. And many of the people you will encounter on this trail don't know the first thing about autism. They may have heard it's an 'epidemic', or even have an elementary-school aged cousin on the spectrum (those seem exceedingly common; just this past week, I met three such people in one day)...if you get lucky, they may even have a hazy idea that it has something to do with social skills. But they don't know autism and many still associate it, for some reason, with mental retardation.
I've sat in my grandparents' house and heard my sister say something that would have been inconsequential coming from my mouth (she didn't believe in spanking), but turned into a huge deal coming from her. Every mother in the room, and there were many, jumped on her for it and refused to consider her opinion, so determined they were that she had nothing to contribute and needed to be "educated." And every one of them loved her dearly.
Hopefully learning that this happens to others will help you feel less 'weird' or alone in having this happen to you. It's not just you this is happening to; it's everyone. Self-advocacy, however, can help reduce the frustrations associated with this. Your family and friends are well-meaninged, but may be so accustomed to treating you as a dependent or seeing you as "autistic," whatever that means in their interpretation, that it will likely take conscious effort on their parts to change their attitude. After considering your own situation, you may wish to simply talk to them. Time will likely heal this problem to some extent (it's unlikely even for neurotypicals that their parents will treat them as adults until after they graduate college), but the underlying autism-related perceptions won't change unless you address them outright.
That's the persistent question my sister has asked me and represents a problem that many neurotypical adults run into, but adults (those over age 18) with autism are particularly likely to fall prey to. You're likely to run into plenty of people who will be condescending and talk down to you. My sister ran into one, an adviser, before she was even in college. I was in the meeting with her and I wanted to yank out my sister's high school transcripts and wave the AP grades in her face, she was so condescending. If I felt that way, I can't imagine how my sister felt.
This isn't a problem unique to people with autism (save for the being treated as though you're mentally deficient bit); it's one neurotypicals are running into more frequently as well. Why? Because adulthood used to be a clear cut phenomenon that happened when you were about 18 or so. You graduated high school, got a job, got married, bought a house, and had children, and you did all those things in short order. Now, those things are spread across a longer period of time. These days, high school is generally followed by four years in college - more if you go on to graduate school. Most students don't get married until they graduate (or are close to doing so) from college. This phenomenon is known as emerging adulthood. So until you meet all of these criteria, even if you're neurotypical you're likely to continue running into this.
As for the IQ bit, that has little to do with adulthood, and a lot to do with lack of education. The wave of college students with ASD going through the system are trailblazers, in many ways. And many of the people you will encounter on this trail don't know the first thing about autism. They may have heard it's an 'epidemic', or even have an elementary-school aged cousin on the spectrum (those seem exceedingly common; just this past week, I met three such people in one day)...if you get lucky, they may even have a hazy idea that it has something to do with social skills. But they don't know autism and many still associate it, for some reason, with mental retardation.
I've sat in my grandparents' house and heard my sister say something that would have been inconsequential coming from my mouth (she didn't believe in spanking), but turned into a huge deal coming from her. Every mother in the room, and there were many, jumped on her for it and refused to consider her opinion, so determined they were that she had nothing to contribute and needed to be "educated." And every one of them loved her dearly.
Hopefully learning that this happens to others will help you feel less 'weird' or alone in having this happen to you. It's not just you this is happening to; it's everyone. Self-advocacy, however, can help reduce the frustrations associated with this. Your family and friends are well-meaninged, but may be so accustomed to treating you as a dependent or seeing you as "autistic," whatever that means in their interpretation, that it will likely take conscious effort on their parts to change their attitude. After considering your own situation, you may wish to simply talk to them. Time will likely heal this problem to some extent (it's unlikely even for neurotypicals that their parents will treat them as adults until after they graduate college), but the underlying autism-related perceptions won't change unless you address them outright.
Give Your Input!
Have you experienced this problem? What did you do, or what are you planning on doing, to address it in your own life? Contact Me and share your experiences and advice with others!
Have you experienced this problem? What did you do, or what are you planning on doing, to address it in your own life? Contact Me and share your experiences and advice with others!