See Your Child's Own Strengths and Weaknesses
Please consider your autistic child's needs as opposed to the things we're taught autistic people need. As in, of course take autism into account, but don't let the profile of what we're told autistic people generally need overwhelm you from seeing the specific needs and desires and abilities of your own child.
I say this only because when my sister went to college, that is precisely what happened to our family. Instead of seeing her for who she was, we were pressured by others (professionals, extended family, friends, and even strangers) to give her support in ways that, admittedly, many autistic people need, but she did not.
Initially my mother wanted to send her to the sort of autism program that I included in my links, one where she would live at a community college in dormitories with only other autistic students and a hall mother to take care of them, along with specific autism-friendly programming. And while some people definitely need that and will benefit from that Caley is not one of them, and to push her (she didn't want to go, she was getting pushed) into being in such a program is to deny her abilities.
Thankfully I talked my mother out of that one, but then people were pushing for her to live at home and go to community college "because that's what autistic people need." Not what Caley needs, what they thought all autistic people needed, and the community college didn't come remotely close to having the classes Caley wanted. Thank heavens Caley and I successfully pushed against that, too.
Then we got her a roommate who we knew and who specifically stated she'd be fine with rooming with Caley, knowing she was autistic. Worst. Idea. Ever. The girl complained to Caley about all sorts of things about the room (low lights, etc) that were definitely autism related....which she'd known Caley had going in. Caley's confidence in her own competence was undermined at every turn. It was an absolutely terrible experience.
We also overlooked the problems that we should have addressed in favor of the problems we were told autistic people experience, and overlooked her strengths in favor of the strengths we were told autistic people had. (I'm being generous by saying 'we' here - my poor mother was pressured by so many other people that she did suffer this problem, but I would not say it was her doing.)
Over and over I said that she would probably need help with academics, not because she is not smart, but because I knew her science major was really hard and, moreover, that science wasn't actually her area of strength. And yet that was completely overlooked (at her peril) in favor of the overall Asperger's profile we're all taught, where the child excells at academics, particularly science, and struggles socially. So Caley got pushed and prodded into having a major that she struggled in, just because we were too busy seeing what we were told autistic people were good at instead of what she was good at.
Ultimately all our efforts to help her actually undermined her at every turn. And yet, despite us, she has succeeded. She's doing well living away from home in a public university, now majoring in Public Health and minoring Homeland Security and Natural Disasters, had a good experience with a roommate of her own choosing this past year, and is hoping to get some job experience with FEMA-corps when she graduates. She doesn't receive any support from us anymore besides financial and me answering the (now rare) odd hour phone call.
Now you all can learn from my family's experience. See your autistic child, not just what you've been told autistic people need/are like. I wish we'd done that with Caley.
I say this only because when my sister went to college, that is precisely what happened to our family. Instead of seeing her for who she was, we were pressured by others (professionals, extended family, friends, and even strangers) to give her support in ways that, admittedly, many autistic people need, but she did not.
Initially my mother wanted to send her to the sort of autism program that I included in my links, one where she would live at a community college in dormitories with only other autistic students and a hall mother to take care of them, along with specific autism-friendly programming. And while some people definitely need that and will benefit from that Caley is not one of them, and to push her (she didn't want to go, she was getting pushed) into being in such a program is to deny her abilities.
Thankfully I talked my mother out of that one, but then people were pushing for her to live at home and go to community college "because that's what autistic people need." Not what Caley needs, what they thought all autistic people needed, and the community college didn't come remotely close to having the classes Caley wanted. Thank heavens Caley and I successfully pushed against that, too.
Then we got her a roommate who we knew and who specifically stated she'd be fine with rooming with Caley, knowing she was autistic. Worst. Idea. Ever. The girl complained to Caley about all sorts of things about the room (low lights, etc) that were definitely autism related....which she'd known Caley had going in. Caley's confidence in her own competence was undermined at every turn. It was an absolutely terrible experience.
We also overlooked the problems that we should have addressed in favor of the problems we were told autistic people experience, and overlooked her strengths in favor of the strengths we were told autistic people had. (I'm being generous by saying 'we' here - my poor mother was pressured by so many other people that she did suffer this problem, but I would not say it was her doing.)
Over and over I said that she would probably need help with academics, not because she is not smart, but because I knew her science major was really hard and, moreover, that science wasn't actually her area of strength. And yet that was completely overlooked (at her peril) in favor of the overall Asperger's profile we're all taught, where the child excells at academics, particularly science, and struggles socially. So Caley got pushed and prodded into having a major that she struggled in, just because we were too busy seeing what we were told autistic people were good at instead of what she was good at.
Ultimately all our efforts to help her actually undermined her at every turn. And yet, despite us, she has succeeded. She's doing well living away from home in a public university, now majoring in Public Health and minoring Homeland Security and Natural Disasters, had a good experience with a roommate of her own choosing this past year, and is hoping to get some job experience with FEMA-corps when she graduates. She doesn't receive any support from us anymore besides financial and me answering the (now rare) odd hour phone call.
Now you all can learn from my family's experience. See your autistic child, not just what you've been told autistic people need/are like. I wish we'd done that with Caley.
