Autism: The Specifics
Now that you get the General Idea of what autism is, we can move on to discussing specific problems that many people with autism (also known as people with autism spectrum disorders, or ASD) deal with that may not be apparent at first. They include problems with inflection/tone and body language, sensory and hygiene issues, and, perhaps most importantly, trouble navigating social rules. If you know someone with autism, or just want to learn more, I can't recommend reading this more, because while these problems may not be visible from the outside, they definitely exist. Lack of awareness can lead to conflict, but familiarity can lead to understanding, something the autism community desperately needs.
Problems with Inflection/Tone
This clip, while it doesn't feature anyone with autism, is helpful for understanding how people with autism see the world. Not only can people on the spectrum not always use inflection in their speech/tone of voice, but they also don't understand it well. The following clip from Despicable Me is entertaining for most of us, in part because the characters only use one word for the majority of the clip - the word "banana." Most of us can understand what's going on in the clip simply by listening, but - as my sister, who has autism, pointed out - because people with autism have trouble with understanding inflection, they would likely have trouble following what's happening in the clip without watching, which most of us can do with relative ease.
The point: When you're talking to a friend with autism, you need to remember to use clear words to demonstrate; hinting's just not going to cut it. They're not necessarily going to pick up on nuances in tone and inflection. For example, when my sister was in high school she had a teacher that, when angry, would continue to smile. Of course, my sister, seeing her smile, thought she was happy. The other students, however, read the teacher's tone of voice and warned my sister she was actually quite angry. My point is that with people with autism you have to be more clear and cautious of sending mixed messages - they're not going to pick up on the tone of your voice or other non-verbal cues.
Sensory Problems
People with autism very frequently have sensory difficulties. This clip just shows how the average trip to Walmart might be perceived for someone with autism. As you'll notice, while it might not be very loud to us, it's quite loud and overwhelming to people with ASD. And that's only exposing you to one sense - bright fluorescent lights come with their own challenges which are hard to replicate with a video camera. The sense of touch is also affected - scratchy or tight fitting clothing is its own challenge. The spots that appear on the screen happen to some people with ASD's visions when they're in situations like this.
The point:
Your friend with autism may be very sensitive to sounds and lights, even things that you and I might find completely ordinary. It's important to be understanding and respectful of such sensory problems. Understand that if a situation gets to be too overwhelming, your friend may experience serious discomfort and may have to leave (or may even experience a meltdown). Sensory issues apply to every sense - for example, a person on the spectrum may not wear certain clothing because of their sense of touch or not be able to stand strong perfume because of their sense of smell.
Your friend with autism may be very sensitive to sounds and lights, even things that you and I might find completely ordinary. It's important to be understanding and respectful of such sensory problems. Understand that if a situation gets to be too overwhelming, your friend may experience serious discomfort and may have to leave (or may even experience a meltdown). Sensory issues apply to every sense - for example, a person on the spectrum may not wear certain clothing because of their sense of touch or not be able to stand strong perfume because of their sense of smell.
Hygiene Issues
I couldn't find a good video clip to convey this problem, but suffice it to say that due to sensory issues, long rituals, and just not plain understanding the rationale behind society's unwritten rule of "you must be neat and clean at all times" people on the spectrum often have trouble with hygiene. In other cases, they may understand the rule, but not execute it the same way that we think it should be. So they might get that you have to bathe and wash your hair, but they might just do washcloth 'baths' and only ever use dry shampoo, which, while technically following the rule of bathing and washing your hair, doesn't meet the societal expectations behind that rule.
Since I can't find a video, I'm referring you to the next best thing - a forum for people on the autism spectrum. The specific link I'm giving you will lead you to a conversation on hygiene, which may lead you to better understand people with ASD's perspective on the matter. However, I highly recommend the forum as a whole, and have found the members to be very welcoming and helpful.
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt200257.html
Since I can't find a video, I'm referring you to the next best thing - a forum for people on the autism spectrum. The specific link I'm giving you will lead you to a conversation on hygiene, which may lead you to better understand people with ASD's perspective on the matter. However, I highly recommend the forum as a whole, and have found the members to be very welcoming and helpful.
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt200257.html
Trouble with Empathy/Reading Body Language
There are many case studies to the contrary, but many experts argue that people with autism have trouble with empathy. This is often misunderstood as meaning people with autism have no feelings (which is a common myth), but in reality what's being misunderstood is the meaning of the word empathy. Empathy is simply the ability to 'step into another person's shoes' - to look at their face, tell what they're feeling, and then feel it yourself. People have a great difficulty telling what other people are feeling by reading body language - hence the argued difficulty with feeling empathy. One test of empathy is a quiz in which pictures of eyes are given and the test taker is asked which feeling is associated with them. You can take a version of that quiz here - the average person only gets about 7 wrong on the 36 question test. The average person with autism would probably be doing well to get that many right. That should give you an idea of the trouble people with autism having reading people's faces and telling what they're feeling, which is another reason it's so important to be clear and use words, not body language, to convey your message or feelings to someone on the autism spectrum.
Navigating Unspoken Rules
The unwritten rules of society that I referenced before are a great deal of what people with autism have trouble navigating. There are a lot of rules that are rarely, if ever, voiced that operate behind the scenes of social situations in our day to day interaction. We 'neurotypical' people just learn them naturally, but people with ASD don't know them, can't read them, and have a great deal of trouble learning them or divining the patterns behind these rules, since rules that apply to one situation frequently do not transfer to another. Simple rules like the three subjects you have to be careful discussing (sex, politics and religion) or that conversations with strangers should open with small talk or even that "you cannot tell other people they are stupid, even if they are really stupid; especially your boss"* are just a few examples of rules people with autism may not be aware of and have trouble following. I hope you use this knowledge to perhaps be more open and flexible when those you know with ASD inevitably break a social norm.
The Point
I can't tell you how many times I've been in situations growing up with my sister, who has ASD, with people who knew she had autism but didn't understand what that entailed. "Why does she wear that ratty jacket all the time, but she won't wear long sleeve shirts?" they would ask. "That's obviously not an autistic trait," they would tell me. Instead, they labeled the behavior as being "spoiled" or "willful." Other times, people would come to me and tell me that they were having problems with my sister, knowing she has autism. When I would ask if they'd talked to her about the problem, they'd say yes...but when asked at further length, it would be uncovered that they'd never verbally told her much of anything at all - they'd just used body language, dropped hints, and used tone to 'tell' her and (unsurprisingly) my sister never picked up on it. "But she should just get it by now," they'd tell me defensively, even angrily.
After reading this page, though, you get it. Clothing choices are often defined by sensory issues others don't understand. Messages need to be clearly said in order to get across - if you're just using body language and tone (or even dropping subtle hints) it's like you're not saying anything at all. And, yes, your friend with autism is probably going to say or do something accidentally offensive at some point, either by being too blunt or not reading an unspoken rule. But now you understand. Unfortunately, you're one of very few to do so. It is my hope that you can use this information to better understand and help your friend, and be an honorary 'autism ambassador' in the community.** But now that you know, you can be more understanding not only of your friend, but also of others you know with autistic traits.
After reading this page, though, you get it. Clothing choices are often defined by sensory issues others don't understand. Messages need to be clearly said in order to get across - if you're just using body language and tone (or even dropping subtle hints) it's like you're not saying anything at all. And, yes, your friend with autism is probably going to say or do something accidentally offensive at some point, either by being too blunt or not reading an unspoken rule. But now you understand. Unfortunately, you're one of very few to do so. It is my hope that you can use this information to better understand and help your friend, and be an honorary 'autism ambassador' in the community.** But now that you know, you can be more understanding not only of your friend, but also of others you know with autistic traits.
The Next Step
Ready to learn even more about autism? Check out the stigma of autism.
*All three examples come from The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships, a book by Temple Grandin and Sean Barron (page 295 and 204, respectively) which I highly recommend reading. It's great for better understanding people with autism and how they view the world.
** Naturally, don't out anyone who's not open with their diagnosis; an autism diagnosis is extremely personal and carries a huge stigma, which you can read more about here.
** Naturally, don't out anyone who's not open with their diagnosis; an autism diagnosis is extremely personal and carries a huge stigma, which you can read more about here.