Navigating the College System
The experience:
“Back in February, I started trying to get my sister a dorm room further away from the noise of the main common room for when she started school in the Fall. I talked to a higher-up and got an affirmation that it would be possible. Five months later, checking on her housing assignment I found that she hadn’t even been assigned a room yet, much less a special room, and this was a month before she was supposed to start school. Apparently her roommate’s vaccines hadn’t qualified, so she’d have to wait two weeks for the second round of assignments. A month later, still no progress. We checked in with housing and it eventually came to light that not only would my sister not be getting a special room, but she also might not get the roommate she’d requested, nor be able to live in the building she wanted. We eventually worked it out, but not without a whole lot of stress along the way.”
Here’s how you all can learn from our mistakes, so that if this or a similar situation happens to you, you have advance knowledge of how to deal with it. This advice may be something that you have learned previously, particularly as a parent of a child with autism, and as a result may seem rather obvious to some of you. That said, I know at the very least that my own mother could have used a reminder of this when she dealt with disabilities services, so it's getting included in the parents section. This is not an experience that applies solely to university housing - instead it generalizes to the university world at large. When dealing with a situation like this, where you run into problems in the university system, follow these two steps - speak up and follow up.
Speak Up
If something’s wrong, you need to talk to someone about the problem. Your best route, if you feel comfortable with it, is talking to someone in person. Whether your child's housing is wrong, you're having trouble getting the paperwork to prove their disabilities, or there are problems with taking out loans, talk to someone about it. If no one knows, there’s no way that the problem is going to get fixed.
In larger universities it may be hard to determine who you need to talk to. So first, visit the university website and try to find the best fit for your problem in their directory, organizational chart, or simply through their 'Contact Us' section. Personally, when I’m not exactly sure where to go for help, I’ll call my university, wait for the operator, briefly tell them my problem, and then ask them who I need to talk to. My advice, however, is not to actually call the person or department they suggest; instead, it’s best to take that information and then simply go in person.
I realize it’s difficult discussing problems in person - it's easy to get flustered when you run into pushback - so I recommend writing out your key points before you go and speak to the person in charge and not leaving until each of them is addressed. The reason I suggest going in person, though, is that it’s a lot harder for someone to dismiss you in person than it is for them to hang up on you or ignore an email. Employees at the university level are busy and may be dealing with an overload of emails or phone calls. Their job, via email or phone, is to get rid of your problem as fast as they can. Unfortunately, that sometimes gets lost in the need for speed, and instead of getting rid of your problem, they just get rid of you. When you go in person, though, their job is different. All of a sudden, their job is to actually try and solve your problem while making you as happy as they can. Other people’s phone calls and emails get put on hold when you’re in the office with them in person.
The first time you go, the problem might not get solved right away. You may need to make an appointment and come back later, so make sure you go before your problem becomes an emergency. But when you actually have your appointment, make sure that you get assurances that the problem will be fixed, and get a date or time to expect it to be done by.
Follow Up
This is one of the most important elements to navigating the college system and it’s one that many people forget about. Once you talk to someone about a problem, if it’s not something that can be fixed at the first meeting, you need to follow up. Take the time they told you it would be complete by, and then take one of two routes. If your problem is not time-sensitive, then you should take the timeline they gave you, add a few days for leeway, and then follow up and see how it’s going. If the problem is time-sensitive, however, you may do well to send a polite follow-up email before the deadline. That way you make sure they’re still thinking about your problem and you get a progress report. If the deadline comes and goes and you’re still having problems, you may benefit from getting outside help. If your child has disclosed, the Office of Student Disability Services may be a good resource (unless they're actually the problem, as in my mother's case). But your best tool is persistence. Don’t give up; keep trying until you get your problem taken care of.
Make sure that you keep written documentation of the situation. I'll tell you that what worked in the case I mentioned before was that I was able to forward the man in charge an email where he had acknowledged, six months ago, receiving my sister's information about her need for accommodations. Since their very own website said that they made accommodations for students with disabilities (and we CC'd his boss on the email) all of a sudden it was in his best interests to fix the problem and a room away from the common area noise with her roommate magically opened up in a building that had previously been filled. Coincidence? Possibly, but my guess is having documentation to support our claim of having previously requested housing accommodations helped us along. The moral of the story is to always keep written (or electronic) records of the process. Even if they're your own records, this is still a good idea. I personally recommend writing down every time you visit or call trying to fix your problem, along with the name of the people you speak with and the outcome of that visit. That way, should things ever turn difficult, you have documentation to back you up.
Additional Advice
Universities really aren't that bad, and they're full of wonderful people who chose their jobs because they want to help students like your child. That said, they're also full of very human people, prone to the same human errors as the rest of us. These tips can help you when you run into one of those cases.
My last point of advice is not to go into this expecting a battle. Those who expect to have to fight to get what they want often end up with a fight. In the above situation, my dad was initially ready to send a three page email-essay to the man involved which was incredibly aggressive, dictating every step at which the man had gone wrong and reminding him what a public relations nightmare this could be if word got out. Thankfully, our family worked together to edit the email and make sure it was much less harsh before it got sent. Had that email gone through, though, it wouldn't have mattered how right we were - my sister still would have been starting off on the wrong foot with the housing office, an office she'd have to be dealing with for four more years. The moral of the story here is to a) have other people read your emails before they send them and b) go into the situation with a cooperative attitude, at least at first.
In addition, try to make sure your child is involved every step of the way. In fact, if a situation looks like something your child can handle, let them try. They're the ones who will be going to this university for four years. It's also a great time to develop self-advocacy skills which are a cornerstone of independence.
This advice is naturally very generic – while both fall under the broad category of problems, the rules for fixing meal plan problems as opposed to dealing with a roommate who’s dealing drugs are very different. That said, speaking up and following up can be applied to most every problematic situation, and it is my hope that using these tactics you will be able to help your child resolve any issues that they encounter at college.
“Back in February, I started trying to get my sister a dorm room further away from the noise of the main common room for when she started school in the Fall. I talked to a higher-up and got an affirmation that it would be possible. Five months later, checking on her housing assignment I found that she hadn’t even been assigned a room yet, much less a special room, and this was a month before she was supposed to start school. Apparently her roommate’s vaccines hadn’t qualified, so she’d have to wait two weeks for the second round of assignments. A month later, still no progress. We checked in with housing and it eventually came to light that not only would my sister not be getting a special room, but she also might not get the roommate she’d requested, nor be able to live in the building she wanted. We eventually worked it out, but not without a whole lot of stress along the way.”
Here’s how you all can learn from our mistakes, so that if this or a similar situation happens to you, you have advance knowledge of how to deal with it. This advice may be something that you have learned previously, particularly as a parent of a child with autism, and as a result may seem rather obvious to some of you. That said, I know at the very least that my own mother could have used a reminder of this when she dealt with disabilities services, so it's getting included in the parents section. This is not an experience that applies solely to university housing - instead it generalizes to the university world at large. When dealing with a situation like this, where you run into problems in the university system, follow these two steps - speak up and follow up.
Speak Up
If something’s wrong, you need to talk to someone about the problem. Your best route, if you feel comfortable with it, is talking to someone in person. Whether your child's housing is wrong, you're having trouble getting the paperwork to prove their disabilities, or there are problems with taking out loans, talk to someone about it. If no one knows, there’s no way that the problem is going to get fixed.
In larger universities it may be hard to determine who you need to talk to. So first, visit the university website and try to find the best fit for your problem in their directory, organizational chart, or simply through their 'Contact Us' section. Personally, when I’m not exactly sure where to go for help, I’ll call my university, wait for the operator, briefly tell them my problem, and then ask them who I need to talk to. My advice, however, is not to actually call the person or department they suggest; instead, it’s best to take that information and then simply go in person.
I realize it’s difficult discussing problems in person - it's easy to get flustered when you run into pushback - so I recommend writing out your key points before you go and speak to the person in charge and not leaving until each of them is addressed. The reason I suggest going in person, though, is that it’s a lot harder for someone to dismiss you in person than it is for them to hang up on you or ignore an email. Employees at the university level are busy and may be dealing with an overload of emails or phone calls. Their job, via email or phone, is to get rid of your problem as fast as they can. Unfortunately, that sometimes gets lost in the need for speed, and instead of getting rid of your problem, they just get rid of you. When you go in person, though, their job is different. All of a sudden, their job is to actually try and solve your problem while making you as happy as they can. Other people’s phone calls and emails get put on hold when you’re in the office with them in person.
The first time you go, the problem might not get solved right away. You may need to make an appointment and come back later, so make sure you go before your problem becomes an emergency. But when you actually have your appointment, make sure that you get assurances that the problem will be fixed, and get a date or time to expect it to be done by.
Follow Up
This is one of the most important elements to navigating the college system and it’s one that many people forget about. Once you talk to someone about a problem, if it’s not something that can be fixed at the first meeting, you need to follow up. Take the time they told you it would be complete by, and then take one of two routes. If your problem is not time-sensitive, then you should take the timeline they gave you, add a few days for leeway, and then follow up and see how it’s going. If the problem is time-sensitive, however, you may do well to send a polite follow-up email before the deadline. That way you make sure they’re still thinking about your problem and you get a progress report. If the deadline comes and goes and you’re still having problems, you may benefit from getting outside help. If your child has disclosed, the Office of Student Disability Services may be a good resource (unless they're actually the problem, as in my mother's case). But your best tool is persistence. Don’t give up; keep trying until you get your problem taken care of.
Make sure that you keep written documentation of the situation. I'll tell you that what worked in the case I mentioned before was that I was able to forward the man in charge an email where he had acknowledged, six months ago, receiving my sister's information about her need for accommodations. Since their very own website said that they made accommodations for students with disabilities (and we CC'd his boss on the email) all of a sudden it was in his best interests to fix the problem and a room away from the common area noise with her roommate magically opened up in a building that had previously been filled. Coincidence? Possibly, but my guess is having documentation to support our claim of having previously requested housing accommodations helped us along. The moral of the story is to always keep written (or electronic) records of the process. Even if they're your own records, this is still a good idea. I personally recommend writing down every time you visit or call trying to fix your problem, along with the name of the people you speak with and the outcome of that visit. That way, should things ever turn difficult, you have documentation to back you up.
Additional Advice
Universities really aren't that bad, and they're full of wonderful people who chose their jobs because they want to help students like your child. That said, they're also full of very human people, prone to the same human errors as the rest of us. These tips can help you when you run into one of those cases.
My last point of advice is not to go into this expecting a battle. Those who expect to have to fight to get what they want often end up with a fight. In the above situation, my dad was initially ready to send a three page email-essay to the man involved which was incredibly aggressive, dictating every step at which the man had gone wrong and reminding him what a public relations nightmare this could be if word got out. Thankfully, our family worked together to edit the email and make sure it was much less harsh before it got sent. Had that email gone through, though, it wouldn't have mattered how right we were - my sister still would have been starting off on the wrong foot with the housing office, an office she'd have to be dealing with for four more years. The moral of the story here is to a) have other people read your emails before they send them and b) go into the situation with a cooperative attitude, at least at first.
In addition, try to make sure your child is involved every step of the way. In fact, if a situation looks like something your child can handle, let them try. They're the ones who will be going to this university for four years. It's also a great time to develop self-advocacy skills which are a cornerstone of independence.
This advice is naturally very generic – while both fall under the broad category of problems, the rules for fixing meal plan problems as opposed to dealing with a roommate who’s dealing drugs are very different. That said, speaking up and following up can be applied to most every problematic situation, and it is my hope that using these tactics you will be able to help your child resolve any issues that they encounter at college.
